Pineapples...Elusive fruit of the universe, or weapons of mass destruction?

So, I've always been cautious about fruit that can do more damage to me than I to it. Coconuts are practically kamakazie pilots just hanging from trees, and horned melons look like hand grenades from hell! Ok, yes, coconuts are a nut, but come on, I'm sure they are closely related through a cousin somewhere, I don't know.
Anyway, one fruit that I have always been extra wary of (as should all of you) is the Pineapple.

So here are a few lesser known facts about the so called 'beloved fruit'.

• Despite what its name suggests, no pine tree or apple have ever been known to cross breed naturally in the wild.
•  The first Pineapple was discovered by Alexander Graham Bell on a skiing trip in Banff for his 40th birthday.
• In the first world war, pineapples where used to deadly effect as mortar shells. 
• Pineapples are often mistaken as dragon eggs, as both share a similar outer skin.
• Up until the 1970's, Pineapples were used to treat malaria, until someone pointed out that they weren't helping the treatment at all, and in fact made symptoms worse. Without this treatment, survival rates of malaria went up by 96%
• Winston Churchill's first wife was a Pineapple.
•  Infants were replaced with Pineapples in the days of the great witch trials, by witches (who needed newborns for spells). Embarrassed, doctors in charge say they didn't realise until nearly 2 weeks later, with one nurse saying, "We thought they were just having a really long nap."
• The word Pineapple Literally means "Thorny Lump"
• In the 60's pineapple juice was thought to have hallucinogenic qualities if mixed with LSD or Acid.
• Several reports and findings of the late 1830's suggest pineapples may have been the first inhabitants of Iceland, but moved to warmer climates on the account that Iceland is freaking cold.
• In the battle of North Hedge, WWII, over 10,000 pineapple we dropped by German fighter pilots, onto allied forces in a hope to spread confusion and anarchy. The Allied forces stationed there were borderline starving, and had been without rations or supplies for nearly a week. If not for the freshly dropped pineapple, the forces probably would not have lasted another day.
• The inside of Pineapple are bright pink until cut open. The oxygen acts as a chemical thing, and stuff happens to oxergize the whatsy-ma-call its, and turns the flesh of the fruit Yellow.
• Abraham Lincoln, John Lennon, Martin Luther King, Elvis, Alexander the great, and Sean Bean were all thought to have ingested pineapple previous to their assassinations.
• The core of a Pineapple is hard enough to use as a police baton, and was in fact used as just that during the Chicago riots.
• 75% of pineapples don't survive their first winter.
• In Greek Mythology the 'finding of the pineapple' was Hercules thirteenth labour which was, however, then downgraded to 'lunch'.
• The genetic make up of pineapples closely resembles that of a dolphin or a humpback whale, suggesting that they may have once been aquatic.
• Tibetan monks use pineapples for fruit salads.
• The largest pineapple has never actually been recorded, as the bigger they are, the more elusive they become.
• Both Gladiator and Pokemon were loosely based on the theory that Pineapple may have once had their own thriving civilisation with a fully working slave system and even their own currency. 
• If one eats enough pineapple, then there is a 40% chance that their skin will turn yellow for 9 days.
• The first telephone was in the shape of a pineapple.
• Pineapples are considered holy relics to many tribes of the Amazon, and are even worshipped by ants.
• The word 'Pineapple' initially contained two more letters 'P', a silent 'H' and at least one 'X'. It was thought to be extremely hard to pronounce, and so was changed to its more common spelling.
• If you heat up a Pineapple to a million degrees, it will explode.
• It is reported that the Titanic was carrying 7 kg more pineapple in its hold than it was suppose to. Specialists say now, if the Titanic was just 6 kg lighter, then it wouldn't have sunk.

So there you go folks, hope that was educational for some and was a bit of a warning to others about the potential disaster that surrounds this extremely interesting and philosophical fruit.

Thank you.
Alex.