I am not going to lie, it is hot outside today. At least it will be in a hour or so. Well... I say that, but really that's just a loose guess based on a very quick observation I've had of the outside conditions that currently are in play. I am neither a weather man, nor a wizard, so me saying it will be hot in a hour or so, really holds no water. I apologise for my brash presumption.
Er, lets try that again...
Hello and good evening ..or morning, as I cannot guarantee you will be reading this in the evening...actually its not even evening while I'm typing this...
Shit...
Ok. Take two.
...Or three?... wait, would the second part be the first take, as it is the first new attempt at starting again? Or is the first sentence just considered the first take regardless if there are going to be any other 'takes' or not?
...Ok. Yes, I am far off topic. But then again I was never really on any particular topic anyway...
ANYWAY!..
Those who are still with me, I shall try to not let my mind stray any more than it has to.
Ooh! Look! A Peanut!!
...Haha I joke, I joke.... Although there is actually a peanut.
Where the hell did that come from? Perhaps there is some sort of peanut fairy that does the rounds, dropping peanuts to all the good boys and girls. Well not everyone. Obviously it would be cruel to taunt those who have nut allergies, with copious amounts of delicious free peanuts.
Then again, would you actually take a free peanut from a strange fairy? Essentially it is like taking candy from a stranger, and for all we know this fairy could be lacing the nuts with some sort of sleeping drug, where once we fall asleep, it steals out kidneys! However, why it wouldn't just wait till we were asleep normally, I don't know. I mean that way it would save money buying peanuts! Unless it's on a deadline of course, and must have a quota amount of kidneys ready to ship by a certain time during the day, therefore cannot wait for night to rock around.
There is a lot of brass assumption in that sentence. For instance, the fairies may not actually sell the kidneys. They may keep them as decorations, or use them to cure fairy-like injuries. Also the Kidney was just a random part of the body I chose as an example. Given enough time, and strong enough dose of sedative in the peanut, they really could just take anything.
And there is then the assumption that these fairies have another agenda aside from just giving out peanuts sheerly on good will.
Perhaps in this case, it would be best to take the peanut, and thank them for the peanut, but not actually eat the peanut. I mean unless they actively force you to eat the peanut, then you really don't have to. Even then, how strong are fairies really?
See I was always under the impression they were similar to ants. They are very strong for their size, but up against a full sized human, they could still be taken out with a small frying pan, or a sandal. Once again, this is based on the assumption we are taking about small fairies. But as there is not a hell of a lot of evidence pointing to large fairies wandering around, it would be more convenient that they were thought of as small.
However small of course, their intellect may be far superior to ours (and given the state of some of the citizens in the world at the moment, it wouldn't be too hard to be). What they may lack in size they probably make up in cunning and quick wit, in which case they may hold your drunk pet wombat 'Larry' ransom for a hefty sum of money. Or things. Fairies seem to like things.
Either way your only way out of such a situation would be to bargain. You may need a flying pig. Even in today's market, I am given to understand a flying pig is worth half a dozen drunk wombats. But! It is important to realise that you are going to be getting the short end of the stick in this situation, and you must think of Larry's well being. That said, he probably has no idea what's going on, as drunk wombats tend to remain incoherent and useless for several hours before they can even muster enough brain activity to remember their name. But as most wombats are called Bob, recalling a name with any more syllables than one, could very well take a significant amount of time.
...Or, it could just be a peanut I left there the other day when I was eating peanuts.
Anyway, I can't remember what it was I was actually going to talk about, so I think we shall just leave it at that.
All the best, but not all the best.
Alex Pickard.
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