So as my time as a bartender has come to a close (for now) I thought it would be nice to share a few helpful sprouts of knowledge I've picked up on the job, especially for everyone who has never done the job.
As you may be aware, bartenders are people who teeter on the edge of being human and sub human. At times they are deserving of a 'demi-god-like' status, and other times closer to 'the walking dead'. When they are having a good night, then they are on fire. When they are having a bad night, they wish the were on fire. Literally.
Much of this has to do with you, the customer. A bad customer can ruin a bartenders night and force them into a downward spiral, while a good one can lighten the mood for the entire bar staff.
So here are a few tips to keep on a bartenders good side.
1. Never, ever....EVER click your fingers, or stick your arm out at a barman for their attention....EVER!!
This really should go without saying. The barman knows you are there, he can see you waiting impatiently, and when they are ready and finished serving the customers who were there before you, they will get to you. Clicking your fingers and waving wildly at the bartender will actually make your wait LONGER. It is a sure fire way to get your pleas ignored. I seriously doubt in the long history of everything, than any one has ever appreciated anyone clicking at them for attention. With the exception of cicadas. SO DON'T DO IT! Unless you really want to wait twice as long.
2. Don't complain about the wait, then stand there making up your mind when it is your turn!
Bartenders work more efficiently if they are not being abruptly halted by indecisive customers while the bar is four deep. All too many times I have had a customer stand, humming and harring over a decision they should have made in the time they were waiting to be served. What's worse is when they complain about the wait, yet draw a blank when you actually ask them what they want. WHAT WERE YOU DOING FOR THE LAST TEN MINUTES WHILE YOU WERE IN LINE!?? JUST ENJOYING THE SHINY BAR LIGHTS?? A customer who knows what they want, or better yet, even know what they want as a back up drink, will always play in a bartenders good books.
3. No, you can't pour your own drink/ drink out of the tap!
It is a stupid question, and yes I have been asked it on multiple occasions. There are legal reasons, safety reasons, and most importantly, a customer strolling about behind the bar or shoving their face under the tap looks bad. Very very bad. I'm sure you wouldn't like it if I went into your cash draw at your work and started hurling money around like Scrooge McDuck.
4. Yelling in the bartenders ear doesn't help. But talking like a shy garden gnome doesn't work either!
Bars in general are rowdy places. Especially when they are busy, and even more so when there is live music. Try to use an appropriate volume level for the current environment. If there is a DJ with a heavy bass amp, don't talk in a pitch slightly above a whisper. And visa versa, if its chilled out enough to talk at normal volume, don't pretend you are shouting your order through a mega phone. Most bartenders can lip read fairly well, or can at least roughly decipher common orders.
5. Don't be vague. Bartenders are NOT psychic!
A little detail goes a long way. "I'll have a Galliano please." ....Ok. Galliano annnnd? ...What? ....Just as a shot? With coke? Lemonade?? A sacrificial goat!?? WHAT!!? FOR GOD'S SAKE, GIVE ME SOMETHING!!!??
Most bartenders have a good idea what goes well with what, but if you are not specific then don't give us a scorn that could peel paint when we suggest a mixer.
6. Pick and choose your cocktail battles.
It's all very well to go to a bar to order cocktails. The majority of bars do them. But it is important to realise WHERE you are ordering them. If you go into a Guinness bar and order a Mojito, then be prepared to be disappointed if it doesn't look like the ones you saw on Jersey Shore. While some bars do specialise in cocktails, a lot of bars aren't as proficient in doing them.
It is also important to pick the time you order them wisely. For instance, if there is one person on bar, and they are already looking pretty busy with quite a few customers, then stopping them serving for the next 10-15 mins while they fluff around trying to make whatever it was you couldn't even pronounce, chances are they are not going to be too happy about it.
7. "I can't taste the vodka."
Congratulations. You can't taste the flavourless spirit mixed with the copious amounts of fizzy drink? Oh. I can't taste my heart either, but trust me, its in there.
8. Can't believe the barman has never heard of that drink!? ...then don't push it.
Most barmen aren't walking encyclopaedia's of drinks. (It is wise to point out though, that some certainly are). If you ask for a drink and the barman doesn't know of it, then explain what's in it or how to make it. Most will be happy to give it a shot, as many drinks have different names depending on where you get them. DON'T just say "oh I had a Flaming Weasel at the Red Door last night, but I don't know what's in it. Can you make me one?" Chances are, if they haven't heard of it, and you don't know how to make it, then you won't be getting one. More to the point, don't press the matter either. It is no use describing what shade of red it was or what the garnish was like, if you have no idea what the ingredients are. Shut up and move on.
9. Don't ask for seven shots when your buddy can barely hold you up.
Astonishingly, most people forget that bartenders are essentially sober the whole time they are serving. They can see when you can barely keep your eyes open. They can hear you slurring your words. And yes, they did just watch you walk into that table. So don't be surprised when a bartender say enough is enough. Part of the job is keeping a sneaky watchful eye on the rowdy, hypo, sleepy, tipsy customers who fill the bar. As a collective, the bar staff know what's going down.
10. "But I've been waiting for aaaages." Oh have you? Cool, then you can wait for a bit longer.
Nothing pisses off a bartender more than the winy voice of a customer who hasn't the patience to wait their turn like everyone else. Little tip. For the most part bartenders KNOW who they are serving next, or who has been waiting longest. Regardless, complaining happens regularly, which only further fuels a bartenders hatred, resulting in either a) customer being told to shut up and wait thier turn. or b) customer is ignored for the rest of the evening. If the bar is packed, don't be that guy/girl. It won't end well. Trust me.
11. Just because a bartender looks at you, doesn't mean you are next.
One of the most dangerous thing to do as a bartender, is accidentally make eye contact when looking up along the bar. There is nearly always somebody who will take it as their cue to start spouting off their order like a mother with a grocery list. So take it as such. If the bartender is still in the process of making someone else's drinks, then they can't very well jump to the end of the bar and start doing yours too. Bartenders are superhero's, not Gods.
12. Closing time means Closing time.
If you ever work at a bar, there is one phrase that I 100% guarantee you will hear on a regular basis. "Oh come on, just one more!" What people don't realise is that by the time you have the asked the bartender this, they have already heard it half a dozen times. When the bar is closed, it is closed. Believe it or not, bartenders do require rest too. Not much, sure... but still!
Avoid the denial and cheap pleas, just accept that when a barman tells you the bar is closed, that it is in fact, closed.
So there you go folks. A few handy tips to stay out of the bartenders dog box. And remember, even in a country such as good ol New Zealand where tips aren't necessary, they are ALWAYS appreciated.
Cheers to drinking!
Alex
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