Hi, I'm Alex Pickard, Horoscope extraordinaire and three times 'oracle of year' winner (unopposed), here with your Horoscopes for this week coming.
Each reading is highly accurate and should be taken both literally, figuratively, and metaphorically.
Aries: You'll misplace your soul this week, which could be the cause of many misinterpreted situations. You will most likely be as emotional as a blank sheet of paper, and may lack much needed empathy towards many of your counter parts. This can result in a number of awkward situations throughout the week.
On the upside, it's Poker night this Tuesday.
Taurus: Bees. Bees everywhere. No matter what you do this week, bees will carry out individual and personal vendettas against you. Probably not a good idea to go down to the ol botanical gardens... or into your garden.... or outside... or any places where bees can get to you.
On the upside, you'll save up to 60% on all honey and wax related goods for the week!
Gemini: You will have trouble with clothes this week. Menacing trouble. The trouble that makes one wonder if clothes are actually sentient? Don't be surprised if your jersey tries to trap you inside its cozy woolen deeps, or if your singlet tries to throttle you in your sleep. Best idea is just not to wear any this week.
On the upside, the weathers suppose to be in the high 10's!
Cancer: You are too attractive this week which causes complete chaos in the streets. Un-checked mayhem erupts in your city as every passer by looks on in utter awe, followed by going completely mad at the prospect that they potentially will never ever look as good as you do in that moment.
On the upside, two for one ribs at Lone Star. Bring your friends!
Leo: You'll enter a rather trance-like zombie state this week (minus the brain and flesh eating), where you'll go to work and do your job without really realising you are doing it. Menial tasks at home will be completed with the same strange state, and throughout the week you may come to lose several days worth of memory. This should end around the weekend, but until then you may look into the mirror and wonder deep philosophical meanings about your work life and your existence in it.
On the upside, the work days should just fly by.
Virgo: You won't be able to put the book you are currently reading down this week! ....Literally. An old gypsy curse was cast on the cover which makes the book cling to its readers hand until they have finished it, recommend it to three friends, and reviewed it on a public forum.
On the upside, you're lucky it's not the extended addition.
Libra: High chance of falling victim to product placement this week. To avoid this, place all credit cards in the freezer, and avoid every and all forms of advertising.
On the up side all your dreams can come true and more, for the low one off price of $799!
Scorpio: High chance of sleeping this week. Probably most nights when it gets dark, and usually till it gets light again. During your state of unconsciousness your brain will encounter all kinds of imaginary things, and upon your wake you will feel refreshed and vitalized. All your friends will envy you of this and so you must be prepared to be shunned from most of your loved ones and colleagues this week.
On the upside, you'll be unconscious for a good proportion of the week, so others opinions wont matter.
Time Lord: Your TARDIS may turn green this week. Not to worry as it is temporary, however the planet you will be on when it turns said colour, find green highly offensive.
On the upside, you'll be home in time for tea.
Sagittarius: A trip to the zoo could cause real issues in time management this week, as being heart warmed by the new red panda exhibit is an real and present threat. One trip to see them, more than likely, will end up in two trips. Two will end in three, and why would any sane person end their zoo visiting spree on an odd number, so a fourth visit would be more than likely. Your workplace may be justifiably upset, but I'm sure if you bring them back red panda soft toys they'll understand.
On the upside, you'll miss the work fire drill that turned into a real fire.
Capricorn: You'll lose a foot race to a four year old, every day, for the whole week. It'll be humiliating.
On the upside, the pub is open late..
Aquarius: Very very very very very likely to be eaten by radioactive ants. It's one of those things that you don't think is ever going to happen, until it does. So my recommendation is to stay away from any places where ants can get to you. Shouldn't be hard. But also perhaps stay away from Taurus this week too.
On the upside, possible super powers.
Pisces: Romance is in the air, and while you won't take a part in any of it, the built up fury you will receive from being subjected to peoples public displays of affection will ultimately fuel your long dormant fire for world domination. Becoming a super villain is a hard thing to accomplish in a week, but your disdain love heart cookies and the word 'snookiums' should be able to give you the drive you'll need.
On the upside, your black bed sheet will make an excellent Villain cape.
Well there we have it folks. Hope they all work out nicely. Any complaints can be made, but just not to me.
Thank you.
Thursday, 11 May 2017
Tuesday, 9 May 2017
Why Rogue One Was Important For Vader.
Okay, so I was thinking, as I do at irrational hours of the morning, and I think I came up with a bit of an explanation to why Vader's final scene was so necessary, and so so badass.
Again, Spoilers for Rogue One... let's get that out of the way.
So there is no denying that Darth Vader's presence on screen is completely captivating. Always argued as one of the greatest villains of all time, and always talked about with much enthusiasm. I don't think I've ever heard, in all my years, some one say 'Darth Vader sucks', however I also may have selective hearing to such things. But indeed, it is undeniable that he is a character that stirs up many emotions and opinions among viewers.
I remember talking to my mum about him one time, and her telling me that when she saw Star Wars in the theaters after it had first come out, everyone was just in awe with this dark shrouded figure who came in and dominated the screen. Nothing quite like him had ever been seen before.
Then all these years later, we get Rogue One. We all knew from the trailer that Vader was going to have a small part in it, and everyone was excited. But I doubt anyone was prepared for those final moments of the film in which Vader stepped in and opened up a whole galaxy of pain on a hallway of rebel soldiers. This...this was Vader like we had never properly seen him, and boy, what a treat it was. But more than that, I felt it was necessary.
A few friends have even said to me afterwards, that watching the original trilogy now, after seeing Rogue one, makes his character even more badass. And you know what? They are are absolutely right.
If we look back to the ol original trilogy, we get to see Vader portrayed in many ways which build up and cement his character. And I like to think of them as so;
Now, in a New Hope, right from the get go we get a taste of the fear he exudes with his prescience, and later on, even the at very mention of his name. His renown is apparent both in the rebels and the Empire, and as an audience we start to feel worried about this ominous figure and his capabilities.
When we finally bare witness to the Vader force choking one of his own officers, it immediately becomes apparent that there is very little that worries this hulking figure. A figure who will appears to have a blatant disregard for human life. He's even quite happy to torture the princess, because to him, it's all just a means to an end. Even after he strikes down Obi Wan, there is a feeling that he is a serious force to be reckoned with, and after we see him join his Tie fighters in the space conflict, we now know he has no problem getting his hands dirty.
From seeing all this, it imposes the idea in us that he is well and truly an evil being.
However, in The Empire Strikes Back we get to see a slightly different side to him. A side that only increases our dread of his figure.
We see him at his most driven. Everything he does is with force, and means. You can feel his hate for the rebels, and his frustration at letting them slip away during Hoth. This is when his character starts using more subtle tactics. And this is where he actually starts to become scary. We've seen and known him as a ruthless villain, but suddenly we see the extent to which his determination is driven, and how his sheer willpower to not give up backs the heroes into the corner.
Again, we begin to understand why he is such a menacing presence to both the rebels and the Empire.
Then in Return of the Jedi we see almost his final side. His cunning. Finally we understand he is not just the Emperors pawn, and that he has his own plans. Not only does he adapt to counter the rebel attack, but with the new knowledge that he has a son, he even creates a ploy to attempt to lure Luke
to the dark side and supersede his Master.
And now we understand why he was such a constant threat. As he was always one step ahead of his foes.
The subtly of his character was done very well too, with a constant build up, never quite revealing the extent of his power, but alluding to the fact that there was more to be feared. That in itself was fantastic writing. And although we are left satisfied with his characters arch, there is always that scratch that part of us wanted to be itched. We still wanted to see why he was so utterly feared by the rebels to begin with. We still wanted to see why the Imperial army was so obedient to him. We wanted to see his power at it's most ruthless. Because although we see plenty examples of his different sides, we only catch snippets of what could only be thought of as his 'true power'. Even in all his battles, they are primarily against other skilled force uses. Obi Wan. A trained Luke, then a Luke as a full fledged Jedi.
But a few storm trooper onlookers during his fight with Obi Wan aside, no one else witnesses his battles. So why is he so incredibly feared?
I think a question of what Vader could actually do if properly unleashed against the enemy, is something that we have always had in the back of our minds but never been too worried about, as his character is already so well portrayed.
Then Rogue One happened, and that itch finally got scratched.
The final corridor scene (and this is a bold statement) is one of my favourite Star Wars moments. It is borderline something out of a horror/thriller movie.
That moment of calm before the storm, where an air of hope is suddenly stripped away by silence, is just haunting. Then that unmistakable sound of Vader's breather, slowly seeps in, and like emerging from a nightmare, the red glow from his saber illuminates him.
Straight away we don't just see the terror in the rebel soldiers faces, we feel it with them. It's that 'We are all doomed' moment.
Then we finally see it. We finally see what we've always secretly been waiting for. Vader in action. And boy is it glorious.
Those brief two minutes had my heart racing. You suddenly feel the sheer panic of the soldiers enclosed with this heaving behemoth of darkness. You feel the futility of their attempts at stopping him. Yet we can't help but gaze on in awe at this unstoppable juggernaut as he ploughs, shreds and forces his way through the resistance like mere snowflakes.
We see that determination even through his expressionless mask; we see that ruthlessness in every swipe of his saber; we see his cunning in the use of fear itself to instantly demoralize the men. The screams of 'Help us!'...Its like running in a straight line away from a freight train. There is simply no escape.
Then when the plans are finally past on and blast door closes, there is absolute split second of 'phew, that was close' before Vader immediately forces through the door and continues his advance into the next hall.
Even that final scene unfolding behind the rebel solider as he looks back and closes the door behind him, is one of utter ferociousness. Vader effortlessly cutting the men down like blades of grass, is a sight of awe.
Even the prolonged scream of "Launch!" from the soldier lends so much to the moment. It's a cry of utter trepidation. He literally just sealed the fate of those men behind the door, without a second thought.
It's a cinematic moment that really came out of nowhere, and in such a brief time absolutely stirred up a whirlwind of feelings.
But in that moment Vader's character became well and truly complete. We got to see why he people tremble in his presence. Why his fear was absolute. And we finally got to see what we all suspected he was capable of.
For some, it may have just been a fight in a hallway. For me, it was a pure example of Vader's use of Dark Side. And that's why it was an important addition to a great movie.
Again, Spoilers for Rogue One... let's get that out of the way.
So there is no denying that Darth Vader's presence on screen is completely captivating. Always argued as one of the greatest villains of all time, and always talked about with much enthusiasm. I don't think I've ever heard, in all my years, some one say 'Darth Vader sucks', however I also may have selective hearing to such things. But indeed, it is undeniable that he is a character that stirs up many emotions and opinions among viewers.
I remember talking to my mum about him one time, and her telling me that when she saw Star Wars in the theaters after it had first come out, everyone was just in awe with this dark shrouded figure who came in and dominated the screen. Nothing quite like him had ever been seen before.
Then all these years later, we get Rogue One. We all knew from the trailer that Vader was going to have a small part in it, and everyone was excited. But I doubt anyone was prepared for those final moments of the film in which Vader stepped in and opened up a whole galaxy of pain on a hallway of rebel soldiers. This...this was Vader like we had never properly seen him, and boy, what a treat it was. But more than that, I felt it was necessary.
A few friends have even said to me afterwards, that watching the original trilogy now, after seeing Rogue one, makes his character even more badass. And you know what? They are are absolutely right.
If we look back to the ol original trilogy, we get to see Vader portrayed in many ways which build up and cement his character. And I like to think of them as so;
- In A New Hope, we see his ruthless side.
- In Empire Strikes Back we get to see his determined side.
- And in Return of the Jedi we see his cunning.
Now, in a New Hope, right from the get go we get a taste of the fear he exudes with his prescience, and later on, even the at very mention of his name. His renown is apparent both in the rebels and the Empire, and as an audience we start to feel worried about this ominous figure and his capabilities.
When we finally bare witness to the Vader force choking one of his own officers, it immediately becomes apparent that there is very little that worries this hulking figure. A figure who will appears to have a blatant disregard for human life. He's even quite happy to torture the princess, because to him, it's all just a means to an end. Even after he strikes down Obi Wan, there is a feeling that he is a serious force to be reckoned with, and after we see him join his Tie fighters in the space conflict, we now know he has no problem getting his hands dirty.
From seeing all this, it imposes the idea in us that he is well and truly an evil being.
However, in The Empire Strikes Back we get to see a slightly different side to him. A side that only increases our dread of his figure.
We see him at his most driven. Everything he does is with force, and means. You can feel his hate for the rebels, and his frustration at letting them slip away during Hoth. This is when his character starts using more subtle tactics. And this is where he actually starts to become scary. We've seen and known him as a ruthless villain, but suddenly we see the extent to which his determination is driven, and how his sheer willpower to not give up backs the heroes into the corner.
Again, we begin to understand why he is such a menacing presence to both the rebels and the Empire.
Then in Return of the Jedi we see almost his final side. His cunning. Finally we understand he is not just the Emperors pawn, and that he has his own plans. Not only does he adapt to counter the rebel attack, but with the new knowledge that he has a son, he even creates a ploy to attempt to lure Luke
to the dark side and supersede his Master.
And now we understand why he was such a constant threat. As he was always one step ahead of his foes.
The subtly of his character was done very well too, with a constant build up, never quite revealing the extent of his power, but alluding to the fact that there was more to be feared. That in itself was fantastic writing. And although we are left satisfied with his characters arch, there is always that scratch that part of us wanted to be itched. We still wanted to see why he was so utterly feared by the rebels to begin with. We still wanted to see why the Imperial army was so obedient to him. We wanted to see his power at it's most ruthless. Because although we see plenty examples of his different sides, we only catch snippets of what could only be thought of as his 'true power'. Even in all his battles, they are primarily against other skilled force uses. Obi Wan. A trained Luke, then a Luke as a full fledged Jedi.
But a few storm trooper onlookers during his fight with Obi Wan aside, no one else witnesses his battles. So why is he so incredibly feared?
I think a question of what Vader could actually do if properly unleashed against the enemy, is something that we have always had in the back of our minds but never been too worried about, as his character is already so well portrayed.
Then Rogue One happened, and that itch finally got scratched.
The final corridor scene (and this is a bold statement) is one of my favourite Star Wars moments. It is borderline something out of a horror/thriller movie.
That moment of calm before the storm, where an air of hope is suddenly stripped away by silence, is just haunting. Then that unmistakable sound of Vader's breather, slowly seeps in, and like emerging from a nightmare, the red glow from his saber illuminates him.
Straight away we don't just see the terror in the rebel soldiers faces, we feel it with them. It's that 'We are all doomed' moment.
Then we finally see it. We finally see what we've always secretly been waiting for. Vader in action. And boy is it glorious.
Those brief two minutes had my heart racing. You suddenly feel the sheer panic of the soldiers enclosed with this heaving behemoth of darkness. You feel the futility of their attempts at stopping him. Yet we can't help but gaze on in awe at this unstoppable juggernaut as he ploughs, shreds and forces his way through the resistance like mere snowflakes.
We see that determination even through his expressionless mask; we see that ruthlessness in every swipe of his saber; we see his cunning in the use of fear itself to instantly demoralize the men. The screams of 'Help us!'...Its like running in a straight line away from a freight train. There is simply no escape.
Then when the plans are finally past on and blast door closes, there is absolute split second of 'phew, that was close' before Vader immediately forces through the door and continues his advance into the next hall.
Even that final scene unfolding behind the rebel solider as he looks back and closes the door behind him, is one of utter ferociousness. Vader effortlessly cutting the men down like blades of grass, is a sight of awe.
Even the prolonged scream of "Launch!" from the soldier lends so much to the moment. It's a cry of utter trepidation. He literally just sealed the fate of those men behind the door, without a second thought.
It's a cinematic moment that really came out of nowhere, and in such a brief time absolutely stirred up a whirlwind of feelings.
But in that moment Vader's character became well and truly complete. We got to see why he people tremble in his presence. Why his fear was absolute. And we finally got to see what we all suspected he was capable of.
For some, it may have just been a fight in a hallway. For me, it was a pure example of Vader's use of Dark Side. And that's why it was an important addition to a great movie.
Friday, 5 May 2017
Why the Hell is Kylo Ren named Ben??
I know this is a very strange thing to be posting at 3.30 in the morning, but as I'm sick and my sleep patterns appear to have gone out the window, I shall share what ails my mind at this time. Force Awakens spoilers ahead....
I don't get why, in the film, Kylo Ren's real name is Ben.
Now I know that it is suppose to be in honour of ol Obi Wan, but when you think of it, that doesn't really make any sense?
Consider this. Why would Leia or Han name their son after someone they barely know?
Now, Obi Wan does play an important role in Leia's life, considering he knew her parents, he was there at her birth, he helped hide her as a baby, and she sent him the message asking for his help, via R2-D2. ....But the only time she EVER actually see's him in the whole franchise is when Vader strikes him down. Even then she's pretty occupied shooting troopers, so it would have just been a fleeting glimpse. A 'woah! That old dude just turned into a pile of robes!?' kind of acknowledgement.
The only reason she knew to send Obi Wan the plans in the first place was because her ol step dad told her he was to be trusted. She never actually see's him face to face.
Alright then, so perhaps it was Han's idea to name him Ben?
But again, I ask you, why?
Han knew the guy for like less than a day! In that time they briefly escaped Tatooine, had an argument about the force, hatched a quick scheme to get them out of the Death Star, then he saw him get killed.
Now Han is a smuggler. He has probably met hundreds of interesting characters over the years, and he has probably had repeat business with them and certainly met some more than once. So why on earth would he choose to honor some old dude that he spent half a day with, instead of a known friend?
Which brings me to the only real conclusion, that Luke named the kid, as he was the only one to spend any real time with Obi Wan.... But isn't that weird? Like imagine this:
Leia has just given birth to a lovely baby boy, all the friends and family have gathered to see;
Leia: Oh he's gorgeous Han. What do we name him?
Han: What about Padme after your mother?
Luke: No.
Leia: Well then what about Lando? After all he did help us wi...
Luke: Wrong.
Han: Uhh....
Luke: The child will be called Ben.
Leia: Who?
Luke: Ben.
Leia: Who the hell is Ben?
Han: Do you mean after Obi Wan?
Luke: Yes.
Leia: Obi Wan Kenobi's real name was Ben?
Han: I think it was.
Luke: It will honour his noble death and sacrifice to the Jedi order.
Leia: But I never even met him.
Luke: He was great, you'd have loved him. I can probably call him over sometime, but he'll be in spectral form, so don't freak out.
Leia: Uhh...okay.
Luke: Excellent, Ben it is!
....That'd be like an uncle coming in and naming your child for you....actually that IS an uncle naming his siblings child.
The other alternative of course is that they simply just liked the name Ben, and it happened to coincide with a famous character they barely knew.... But what are the odds, really?
I don't get why, in the film, Kylo Ren's real name is Ben.
Now I know that it is suppose to be in honour of ol Obi Wan, but when you think of it, that doesn't really make any sense?
Consider this. Why would Leia or Han name their son after someone they barely know?
Now, Obi Wan does play an important role in Leia's life, considering he knew her parents, he was there at her birth, he helped hide her as a baby, and she sent him the message asking for his help, via R2-D2. ....But the only time she EVER actually see's him in the whole franchise is when Vader strikes him down. Even then she's pretty occupied shooting troopers, so it would have just been a fleeting glimpse. A 'woah! That old dude just turned into a pile of robes!?' kind of acknowledgement.
The only reason she knew to send Obi Wan the plans in the first place was because her ol step dad told her he was to be trusted. She never actually see's him face to face.
Alright then, so perhaps it was Han's idea to name him Ben?
But again, I ask you, why?
Han knew the guy for like less than a day! In that time they briefly escaped Tatooine, had an argument about the force, hatched a quick scheme to get them out of the Death Star, then he saw him get killed.
Now Han is a smuggler. He has probably met hundreds of interesting characters over the years, and he has probably had repeat business with them and certainly met some more than once. So why on earth would he choose to honor some old dude that he spent half a day with, instead of a known friend?
Which brings me to the only real conclusion, that Luke named the kid, as he was the only one to spend any real time with Obi Wan.... But isn't that weird? Like imagine this:
Leia has just given birth to a lovely baby boy, all the friends and family have gathered to see;
Leia: Oh he's gorgeous Han. What do we name him?
Han: What about Padme after your mother?
Luke: No.
Leia: Well then what about Lando? After all he did help us wi...
Luke: Wrong.
Han: Uhh....
Luke: The child will be called Ben.
Leia: Who?
Luke: Ben.
Leia: Who the hell is Ben?
Han: Do you mean after Obi Wan?
Luke: Yes.
Leia: Obi Wan Kenobi's real name was Ben?
Han: I think it was.
Luke: It will honour his noble death and sacrifice to the Jedi order.
Leia: But I never even met him.
Luke: He was great, you'd have loved him. I can probably call him over sometime, but he'll be in spectral form, so don't freak out.
Leia: Uhh...okay.
Luke: Excellent, Ben it is!
....That'd be like an uncle coming in and naming your child for you....actually that IS an uncle naming his siblings child.
The other alternative of course is that they simply just liked the name Ben, and it happened to coincide with a famous character they barely knew.... But what are the odds, really?
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