Why the T-1000 is Secretly More Terrifying Than We Know.

So as I was lying in bed last night, my mind does what it normally does right before I go to sleep and decide to ponder something which will inevitably cause me to stay awake for hours longer.

The topic this time was the T-1000  (from Terminator 2: Judgement Day) and it's capabilities.

In the film the T-800 tells John Connor 'The T-1000 can't form complex machines. Guns and explosives have chemicals in them. Moving parts. It doesn't work that way, but it can form solid metal shapes... Knives and Stabbing weapons.'

Now my initial question was, if it can't turn into a gun or a complex machine, then how can it replicate a human, surely a human is more complex than a pistol?

   But then I started thinking, well he is essentially like a big block of play-dough. You can make the exterior whatever shape you want, with as much aesthetic detail that you want, but on the inside it'll still just be play-dough. And the proof of this is obviously seen whenever the T-1000 get's shot, we can see his liquid insides. Mimetec Poly-alloy, if I am not mistaken, which is made from nano-robotics.
 However, this is still a massively complex feat, as colours would have to either have to be replicated via an internal database of pre-picked colours, or the nano-tech would have to somehow have to scan every shade on a possible victim and make up the new information into its own records and replicate it with the new information, Either way, the T-1000 processor must be incredibly fast, but its Skynet, so it's kinda a given.

   My next train of thought then went to his regenerative ability, because due to the nano technology, he can quickly sew himself back together. Yet as we see on two occasions, he can actually separate from himself and recall missing mass; Once when they escape the mental facility and the T-1000 latches onto back of the car (with his mighty crowbar arms!) where the Terminator shoots him off leaving a small segment of the hook attached to the car, which John throw onto the road.
And secondly, after Arnie hasta la vista's him into thousands of pieces after the T-1000 is frozen in liquid nitrogen.

   Now this means that there must be some kind of signal that travels from his CPU to the nano-bots which tells them how to act when together and when separate from the main body. More interestingly to me is that, while in the latter the T-1000 melt into puddles and form back together, in the former example the T-1000 separated claw piece actually stays in shape until he reaches it and assimilates it back into his body.
   Does this then mean that the T-1000 can, not only separate sections of his body and control them, but also have those sections maintain particular forms??

  If so, then theoretically, the T-1000 turning - at least part of himself - into a gun isn't entirely out of the question.
   What if he took, say, his hand mass and split it into the essential parts that make up a standard pistol, then sent the signal for the nano-bots to remain in those form while he assembled it. Now as the the T-800 states, the T-1000 can't mimic chemicals, but (and I'm no gun expert) isn't the only chemical compound in a gun the gunpowder in the bullets? If so, that could be easily bypassed by the T-1000 just making solid bullets and adjusting the firing mechanism.
   Now comes the scary thought.
   In the asylum getaway scene where he is shot off the car, John doesn't throw the claw piece from the car until a fair way down the road away from where the T-1000 fell. This means for it to hold it's form in the claw shape, the signal between it and the main CPU must be a considerable distance, which in turn means IF the T-1000 could make part of itself into a gun AND the bullets, then he certainly would be able to fire one of the bullets and have it maintain shape and solidarity well within range of most killshots. ...Which in turn would theoretically mean the T-1000 could shoot someone with himself.

   Even if it was totally impossible for him to create a gun, surely, using the same logic as above, he could create his arm into a crossbow and fire a bolt instead of a bullet? In fact that may even be more efficient!

But if you think that is scary, consider this.
   The T-1000 has his target within his distance. He shoots said target (with either a bullet or bolt) and the projectile becomes lodged inside the targets body. Now, even if it wasn't a kill shot (I assume it always would be considering he is a Terminator after all), a part of the T-1000 is now INSIDE the targets body. A part which can be controlled by a signal from the terminator himself. A mimetec polyalloy part which, at any time, could be turned back into liquid metal and given a signal to reshape into another deadly object!
Even if it wasn't a killshot, the T-1000 could just turn the projectile into liquid metal, seep into the targets blood stream and turn into razors or a spiked ball, killing the target from the inside out!

   And what if the only reason we didn't see him do so is because he is essentially, like, a couple days old and is only following his primary directives which don't allow for creative thought?

   I mean I could be totally wrong, but either way, the fact that the T-1000 could theoretically do all this, really make him much more of a fearsome villain.


...And that's why I was awake all night...

Top Ten Albums I Discovered This Year.

It's no big secret that I love music. I like to think I tend to have a broad spectrum too, and am always listening for new sounds, artists and albums. Naturally, I have my favourites and ...well, least favourites.
 As a colossal part of my life, its fitting that I have particular songs that remind me of certain things, and I'm a big fan of associating music with particular events.

A couple years ago, 2011 to be exact, I had a year of very significant events, and surrounding them were particular songs that would just get played ruthlessly to death until another event occurred with another song in tow.
I decided that year, to collect the songs, in order as they happened, and make a playlist of every significant song over the year. And I've been doing it ever since.

To me music is a medium that can bring on waves of such diverse emotions, and I love listening to a song whilst recalling the events which happened upon their discovery, or even re-discovery.


This year, however, has been slightly different. Although, yes I am still making my song list, I have noticed (with great help from jumping rigorously through the 'related artist' button on Spotify) that I have actually found some truly tremendous Albums, not just songs. And even more so, this has been quite the year of exploring new sounds as well.

So here I am, at the end of the year, and after deep consideration, going to share with you my top ten albums that I discovered this year.

Now, they aren't all new releases. Some are a few years old. These however are just simply albums that I haven't heard until this year, and that have made this year what it is for me.

So enough explaining. lets crack into it at number 10 and slowly work its way to my number 1 album of this year.


#10.
Images du Futur by Suuns.
Stand Out Tracks: 2020, Bambi.

Thank you Ant Man. After Seeing one of the trailers I instantly sought out 2020 and fell in love with the trippy little track, playing it on repeat till I drove the flatmates mad. However this to my delight was only one of many jems packed into a very...Interesting album, containing elements of rock, pop. electronica, and very groovy and, at times, ghostly rhythms. The songs are infectious, and you find yourself involuntarily bopping along to them without even realising.


#9.
Redline by Lazerhawk.
Stand Out Tracks: Dream Machine, So Close.

This was a very late entry and after a couple dozen listens knocked  In Decay by Com Truse off the list completely. (But an honourable mention to it!).
Redline very much makes you feel like you are inside an 8bit pixel race car, hurtling down a never ending highway while the horizon lights up in erratic strobe colours. Oh, and all whilst in the 80s... Annnd probably on acid. The music is very much a nod to 80's synth, and would not feel out of place combing David Hasselhoffs hair as he cruises Miami beach in said 8bit car. ...That was an odd analogy, but then again it is an odd album, full of catchy and trippy ditties (I am allowed to say 'ditty' in this context) with the likes of Dream Machine being so ridiculously addictive and upbeat that I may have already listened to it eighty times just today.

#8.
Seven Thunders Roar by Stoned Jesus.
Stand Out Tracks: I'm The Mountain, Stormy Monday.

One thing I love about the whole 'stoner rock' genre, is when it's done right, it is just the most badass thing ever. Slow, heavily distorted riffs, deep thunderous drums, over bassey guttural yet haunting vocals make for an exceptional sound, bringing forward all kinds of grooves.  Seven Thunders Roar is an album that takes its time and in doing so, tells an almost campfire-esque tale. Each song being more epic than the last. Stoned Jesus knows their strengths, and sticks to them well.

#7.
Junip by Junip.
Stand Out Tracks: Beginnings, Walking Lightly.

Jose Gonzalez has always had a dreamily unique voice. It's soothing daydream inducing, and coupled with Junip's chilled melodic sound, you have an album that simply puts you to sleep.... I 'm kidding (although it is a great album for falling asleep to in the sun). In some ways this is the perfect demonstration of how minimal use of numerous instruments can build stunning atmosphere on a track.


#6.
Tarot Sport by Fuck Buttons.
Stand Out Tracks: Surf Solar, Phantom Limb

Again, curiosity got the better of me and I simply had to find out what exactly a Fuck Button sounded like. Turns out, and array of everything. And sometimes nothing at all. Beautifully structured and layered songs are slowly built up to the point of... well, one could appropriately argue, 'orgasm'.
The songs, for the most part, are epic and long with the average song clocking in around 9mins plus. The album itself is oddly aggressive in the way the sound is used. It slaps you in the face repetitively with fuzzed out bass-heavy tones, whilst simultaneously giving you the best massage of your life, which at first is confusing, but then kind of feels good, and when it ends you sort of look around to see anyone was watching, all the time wondering if you should feel bad for feeling that good.

#5.
CVI by Royal Thunder.
Stand Out Tracks: Blue, Drown.

Royal Thunder were a band I happened upon while just listening to a whole lot of new tracks by different bands on some website, I forget now, and after falling in love with said track, I went in search of the bands other material. That's when I found CVI.
You know how you sometimes just out of nowhere find an album which is just so different and glorious from everything else, that you instantly know you need it in your life. This is one of those. Heavy. Beautiful. Melodic. Entrancing. Skilful. Epic. And plus some!
The musicianship on this album is absolutely spot on, with no one element being any more stand out than another. The vocals (female) are stunning and fit the infectious guitar riffs perfectly. The drums are something special and it is always welcome to hear a drummer who is in no way generic. The songs themselves are incredibly epic, and build their tension well, exploding when you least expect it into a frenzy of talent.
I have to point out, Blue may have very well made it into my favourite hard rock songs of all time. It is so well structured and laid out, with (again) every musician playing their part impeccably.

#4.
What We All Come To Need by Pelican.
Stand Out Tracks: Strung Up From The Sky, The Creeper.

This was a band I actually found last year but almost completely forgot about until a couple months ago. Going through their back catalogue I came across this... masterpiece??
First off, Pelican are, well I would call them almost melodic doom metal, but it's kind of hard to actually put them into any genre. This isn't just your standard run of the mill distorted guitars and pounding drums. No. This is chugging guitars at its mastery. Bass heavy rhythms that epically flow from one section into another, almost telling a story... but entirely without vocals. Well not entirely. Final Breath marks their mere 2nd song ever to feature a singer. And even that is glorious.
I would compare them to Neurosis, but in many ways Pelican are much more technical and thoughtful in the way they use the heaviness of their sound. And it is a BIG sound. Amazingly they create vividly unique imagery and a sense of awesome, powerful, storytelling.

#3.
Resistance by Champion
Stand Out Tracks: Sannios Beach, Alive Again.

This was one album I simply had no idea was out. I was a huge fan of Champions Chill' Em All, thanks largely to the game Borderlands. The likes of No Heaven and Sergio's Trio from said album were ridiculously cool and catchy beats, and it left me hungry for more. So over the moon was I when I realised there was another album by the Canadian beat master, that I did an imaginary back flip and proceeded to play the damn thing on repeat until I realised my flat mates were preping a guillotine in my honour. Resistance is definitely another step up, and the songs are all slick with atmospheric build ups, resulting in explosions of thunderous and addictive climaxes. His work is a wonderful mix of house electronica with pounding rhythmic bass guitar and occasionally screaming electric guitar.

#2.
Lightning At The Door by All Them Witches
Stand Out Tracks: When God Comes Back, Funeral For A Great Drunken Bird.

A friend told me to check these dudes out after we had a conversation about great blues-stoner-grungy-rock, and I tell you what, it was one of the best recommendations ever.
You know when you find a band that perfectly combines everything you love about music into songs that make you weep on the inside, for the sheer fact that such beauty exists... this Band is mine. More so THIS album is mine. Lightning At The Door is the perfect show case of stoner-rock infused with heavy folk rhythms and haunting vocals. It's the trifector of awesomeness.
All Them Witches have an impressive sound. It can be mellow and dream-like, then like a thunderous roar it comes to life with wild, southern influenced, droning guitars, and thick ballsy tones. Lightning At the Door is like a rolling storm that takes on many shapes and forms, releasing tunes that are simply top their respected field.

#1.
Chronicles by New Keepers Of The Water Towers.
Stand Out Tracks: Flight Of The Reptilians, The Three Headed Cow.

Firstly, I am a huge Mastodon fan. Blood Mountain is one of my all time favourite album. I loved how just sheerly complex and different it was from any other metal album I had heard.
This album, to my absolute delight, is almost like Blood Mountain from a parallel dimension where Mastodon didn't write it. It has that same unique epic madness about it, except... different. The sound is just as heavy and glorious, but different. The vocals just as guttural and booming, but different.
It is almost like Chronicles is Blood Mountain's little brother.
The sound is simply fantastic. Dirty and fuzzy but still tight and unrelenting. Sludge metal at its finest. The band by no means have dull track titles either, with every number being hilariously unusual. The Three Headed Cow, The Strafing Lobster, The Knowledgeable Kangeroo. Are just a few of it's brilliance.
This Album truly shines in it's thick, chunky, yet catchy riffs.



So that's it. My top picks!

Feel free to list yours in the comments, and by all means give these puppies a whirl!

Alex, out!

A Mind Wide Open.

   Being of a creative mind, or someone with a grand imagination, can be simply marvellous at times. You get to watch with your own eyes as something you created, you thought up, becomes a reality. You get to see something from deep inside your mind take form and a life of its own as you work away at it, whatever the medium may be. And if it goes well, you reap the rewards. You gain acclaim from your peers. It can be a beautiful thing indeed.

  However, it is certainly not without its flaws.

  I often hear people say "how do some people come up with stuff like that?"  or "Wow, I wish I had an imagination like yours" or even "Man, I wish I could see what's going on in your head." And I know it is usually meant as a compliment, and for the most part that's how I take it. With a laugh and a smile.
   But I don't think people really understand what's going on in the ol 'inside'. I doubt some could even fathom what kind of a burden having an 'over-active' imagination can be like.

   So, at this early hour of the morning, as I lie here listening to the rain patter rhythmically down on the roof, I have come to the decision to share with you, a glimpse into the process and inner workings of my mind, so that you may better understand myself and the creative ones out there to whom you address such fascinated remarks.

   Now. this is going to sound pretentious. It may sound like insanity. It may be not what you want to hear. But I just feel it's time to shed some light on the subject for some.
 
   For those who know me, probably think of me as a nice guy, sense of humour, always up for some fun, creative, random, can have a short fuse if pushed, can sometimes be a dick, but for the most part means well and wants to help out where possible.

  But to really know what's going on inside me, I feel I shall have to paint you a metaphorical picture (Although knowing me, I'll most likely paint an actual one too).

So. Picture this if you will...



.....Inside me are two seas. Monstrous and tumescent, which constantly crash and collide with one another, forever pushing and pulling with sharp waves that  hook themselves deep into the very fabric of my being.
   The storm is endless and constant. Loud and beautiful, but destructive. Emotions are swarms of colours which swell and fall depending on which sea is being fed on that day. And trust me, each side is fed sporadically from day to day.
   'How are they fed' you ask?
   From that place you wish to visit of course. My head. The mind.

    It's a mind that rarely rests. That rarely sleeps. That s constantly churning, like a cog that is addicted to turning other cogs.
   On a good day, the chaos can be focused and divided into maybe several tasks which can filtered into the sea and translated out into the world via pen, or brush, or typed out onto screen.
   On a bad day, my mind is its own hell.
   Picture as many thoughts and ideas as you can, all still raw and un-sculptured, all being pushed out at once through a filter too small to fit even half. And once they do filter through, you lose them to the clutches of the seas which both writhe up, ripping and tearing at them, trying to claim them for their own.
   There is no order. Ideas at this stage are like trying to do a puzzle of words, where none of the pieces fit and all of the letters are upside down and the words themselves, backwards. Where the sizes of the pieces are wrong and the colours are various shades which don't match. And after you collect all these pieces together , you somehow have to arrange them. You have to find some design that will fit them coherently. Something that will make sense for everyone else.
   On a really, really bad day, there is nothing.
   The cogs are stiff, un-churning. The seas dead, unwavering. Inside simply becomes chokingly thick, and just like quicksand, the more you struggle in it the more it drags you down. On days like that there is no emotion. Simply because there are no emotions. On days like that, you are simply a walking husk.

   For the most part however, the seas rage but the creativity flows strong. Anyone with a wild imagination who has made it this far, knows how to feed their oceans. Knows when to give a little, and when to take a little.
  But the unpredictability of the seas are just that. Unpredictable. Which is where the internal emotional struggle comes into it.
 
   "How can someone even think of that idea, or come up with it?"
   Short answer; Because we have to. Because I have to.

   When I'm writing a story I can't just create a character who's un-flawed and who will have an enemy or rival on a plate who is simply 'bad' just because. I doesn't work that way.
   When I create anything, be it characters or paintings, drawings, I do so with the consideration of the emotions of the subject. I don't just make a hero, a hero. I have to work out why he or she is the hero. I have to dissect what makes them tick, what qualities they posses. What do they love, what do they hate. What brought them to their chosen path. What pains them, and what is it that they absolutely fear.
   And then I have to live them. I have to get inside their head, and experience it through their eyes.  Otherwise I can't make the character grow,

   But just as there are two sides to a coin, there are also two seas at play, and every perspective must be seen from it's opposite.
  When a particularly disturbing part happens in a movie or story, perhaps its a torture scene, or a brutal murder, I hear people say "That's sick, I makes me wonder how people come up with that."
  Well I hate to say it people, but that's the other side of the coin.

   This is probably the part most people don't want to hear. The part that people happily over look. It's sort of like the ignorance that comes with eating a cheeseburger. You know at some point an animal was killed to make it, but you push that thought aside in light of enjoyment. Well this is the same.
   All those villainous characters we love to loathe, all those bad guys who drive the heroes story forward, and the evil that keeps us suspended in fear, scared that the hero won't be able to save us. All that has to be created by someone.
   In order to make a villain, I have to go through the same process as creating a hero. Yes, it can be dark, and sometimes grotesque, but in order to control the creature I am building, I need to know the character through their eyes. No matter how twisted or painful it may seem.

   The truth is, we all have those dark places residing in us. As humans, who are all creative in some aspect or form, we have that inherent in our very make up. It's just how we use it.
   I've learnt to tread carefully, never to go too deep, and I think that's the thing. I know my mind. I know it's limits and when to stop. I set a line which, heavens forbid, I will never cross.
   To me it's the dark basement of my creativity, just another tool to use. And occasionally I stand in its vortex and take in the ideas it has to offer.  The dark being no more sinister than ones own shadow.

   As someone with all these things coiling around in my brain, it can be hard to keep a balance, make no mistake. And that, I believe is where feelings come into play.
   One of the biggest day to day struggles is simply trying to make sure that the particular 'feelings' you have been using in a character or work don't take over and come out on the outside.
   I can tell you now, it can be harder than it sounds.

   Try and imagine that you have been working on an emotional, intense piece. Something truly sad that stirs your very soul. And you are right in the heart of it, letting the feelings and emotions roll over you. Then imagine someone walks into the room and tells a joke. They stand there excepting you to laugh. So you must put aside everything you have just felt. Every emotion you just created which has been flowing through you, every torment for the character that technically doesn't exist. All of it must be shoved out of mind, stowed away, and you must laugh.  Not only that, you have to do it convincingly.
   And it can be a hell of a task to do with a mind that is constantly running a million ideas a second.

  This is why, if a creative person seems like they aren't feeling what you are feeling, it's not because they don't share that emotion. It's because they are feeling everything.
   And we do it strongly.
   I for one become rather attached to feeling particular ways about things. That's why I have this strange sadness when I have to throw away a broken pen, buy a new phone, or toss a worn pair of shoes. It seems stupid, and perhaps it is, but at some point I created a bond, a common purpose for it's being, and I feel its pain when I have to let it go.
   And it is much worse with people who can actually reciprocate said feelings.
   This may be why imaginative and creative people can be such hard work. Sometimes it may seem they feel too much to the wrong thing, or feel too little where it is suppose to count. But just remember they are competing with a turmoil of feelings which they must constantly keep in check, and separate from one another.

   That said, when we or I find something that is truly worth focusing on, then they become everything. There is a determination and drive that stems from it. It's awe-inspiring. It can, if even for just a series of moments, be clarity. Something most creative people struggle with.
   I am overwhelmingly lucky to have a handful of people in my life who invoke this sensation in me. People who make me know I can be a better person, who make me strive to rise to my potential, who part the seas of nonsense, who quell the waves and lull the swarms of emotion. They are the people who make it all clear which puzzle piece goes where.
  And I love those people. With everything I have. With all that I have. With all that I am, every fibre of my being.
  That's a feeling you can't buy. Only created. Crafted over time.
  I owe them everything and more. Truth be told, I do it all for them. otherwise everything just comes out slightly incomplete.
   Whatever my master piece in this life may be, my master stroke is of their doing.


   So.
   Every time someone asks me "oh, if only I could spend a day in your head." I always think, 'No.'
Because I wouldn't wish that upon anyone. The things I imagine, the horrors I conjure, the illusions I create, all the extravagant scenarios I playout, every one is so incredibly vivid, and real, that I fear if anyone should wander into my mind, they would get lost/go insane/never want to leave.
   This is why I create art. This is why I do what I do. I show you bits and pieces, give you taste testers.
   Why?
   Because I don't think anybody could digest the main course.


   Inside I am a whirling ball of chaos. A swirling typhoon of creative energy. I am pain, love, hate, ambition, desire. I am everything and I am nothing.
  And you know what?...


   ...I love it.




   Well, there you go. An insight into the mind of one Alex Phillip Pickard.
    I hoped you liked the tour.

How NOT to piss off a bartender. 12 Helpful tips.

So as my time as a bartender has come to a close (for now) I thought it would be nice to share a few helpful sprouts of knowledge I've picked up on the job, especially for everyone who has never done the job.

As you may be aware, bartenders are people who teeter on the edge of being human and sub human. At times they are deserving of a 'demi-god-like' status, and other times closer to 'the walking dead'. When they are having a good night, then they are on fire. When they are having a bad night, they wish the were on fire. Literally.
Much of this has to do with you, the customer. A bad customer can ruin a bartenders night and force them into a downward spiral, while a good one can lighten the mood for the entire bar staff.

So here are a few tips to keep on a bartenders good side.

1. Never, ever....EVER click your fingers, or stick your arm out at a barman for their attention....EVER!!

This really should go without saying. The barman knows you are there, he can see you waiting impatiently, and when they are ready and finished serving the customers who were there before you, they will get to you. Clicking your fingers and waving wildly at the bartender will actually make your wait LONGER. It is a sure fire way to get your pleas ignored. I seriously doubt in the long history of everything, than any one has ever appreciated anyone clicking at them for attention. With the exception of cicadas. SO DON'T DO IT! Unless you really want to wait twice as long.

2. Don't complain about the wait, then stand there making up your mind when it is your turn!

Bartenders work more efficiently if they are not being abruptly halted by indecisive customers while the bar is four deep. All too many times I have had a customer stand, humming and harring over a decision they should have made in the time they were waiting to be served. What's worse is when they complain about the wait, yet draw a blank when you actually ask them what they want. WHAT WERE YOU DOING FOR THE LAST TEN MINUTES WHILE YOU WERE IN LINE!?? JUST ENJOYING THE SHINY BAR LIGHTS?? A customer who knows what they want, or better yet, even know what they want as a back up drink, will always play in a bartenders good books.

3. No, you can't pour your own drink/ drink out of the tap!

It is a stupid question, and yes I have been asked it on multiple occasions. There are legal reasons, safety reasons, and most importantly, a customer strolling about behind the bar or shoving their face under the tap looks bad. Very very bad. I'm sure you wouldn't like it if I went into your cash draw at your work and started hurling money around like Scrooge McDuck.

4. Yelling in the bartenders ear doesn't help. But talking like a shy garden gnome doesn't work either!

Bars in general are rowdy places. Especially when they are busy, and even more so when there is live music. Try to use an appropriate volume level for the current environment. If there is a DJ with a heavy bass amp, don't talk in a pitch slightly above a whisper. And visa versa, if its chilled out enough to talk at normal volume, don't pretend you are shouting your order through a mega phone. Most bartenders can lip read fairly well, or can at least roughly decipher common orders.

5. Don't be vague. Bartenders are NOT psychic!

A little detail goes a long way. "I'll have a Galliano please." ....Ok. Galliano annnnd? ...What? ....Just as a shot? With coke? Lemonade?? A sacrificial goat!?? WHAT!!?  FOR GOD'S SAKE, GIVE ME SOMETHING!!!??
Most bartenders have a good idea what goes well with what, but if you are not specific then don't give us a scorn that could peel paint when we suggest a mixer.

6. Pick and choose your cocktail battles.

It's all very well to go to a bar to order cocktails. The majority of bars do them. But it is important to realise WHERE you are ordering them. If you go into a Guinness bar and order a Mojito, then be prepared to be disappointed if it doesn't look like the ones you saw on Jersey Shore. While some bars do specialise in cocktails, a lot of bars aren't as proficient in doing them.
It is also important to pick the time you order them wisely. For instance, if there is one person on bar, and they are already looking pretty busy with quite a few customers, then stopping them serving for the next 10-15 mins while they fluff around trying to make whatever it was you couldn't even pronounce, chances are they are not going to be too happy about it.

7. "I can't taste the vodka."

Congratulations. You can't taste the flavourless spirit mixed with the copious amounts of fizzy drink? Oh. I can't taste my heart either, but trust me, its in there.

 8. Can't believe the barman has never heard of that drink!? ...then don't push it.

Most barmen aren't walking encyclopaedia's of drinks. (It is wise to point out though, that some certainly are). If you ask for a drink and the barman doesn't know of it, then explain what's in it or how to make it. Most will be happy to give it a shot, as many drinks have different names depending on where you get them. DON'T just say "oh I had a Flaming Weasel at the Red Door last night, but I don't know what's in it. Can you make me one?" Chances are, if they haven't heard of it, and you don't know how to make it, then you won't be getting one. More to the point, don't press the matter either. It is no use describing what shade of red it was or what the garnish was like, if you have no idea what the ingredients are. Shut up and move on.

9. Don't ask for seven shots when your buddy can barely hold you up.

Astonishingly, most people forget that bartenders are essentially sober the whole time they are serving. They can see when you can barely keep your eyes open. They can hear you slurring your words. And yes, they did just watch you walk into that table. So don't be surprised when a bartender say enough is enough. Part of the job is keeping a sneaky watchful eye on the rowdy, hypo, sleepy, tipsy customers who fill the bar. As a collective, the bar staff know what's going down.

10. "But I've been waiting for aaaages." Oh have you? Cool, then you can wait for a bit longer.

Nothing pisses off a bartender more than the winy voice of a customer who hasn't the patience to wait their turn like everyone else. Little tip. For the most part bartenders KNOW who they are serving next, or who has been waiting longest. Regardless, complaining happens regularly, which only further fuels a bartenders hatred, resulting in either a) customer being told to shut up and wait thier turn. or b) customer is ignored for the rest of the evening. If the bar is packed, don't be that guy/girl. It won't end well. Trust me.

11. Just because a bartender looks at you, doesn't mean you are next.

One of the most dangerous thing to do as a bartender, is accidentally make eye contact when looking up along the bar. There is nearly always somebody who will take it as their cue to start spouting off their order like a mother with a grocery list. So take it as such. If the bartender is still in the process of making someone else's drinks, then they can't very well jump to the end of the bar and start doing yours too. Bartenders are superhero's, not Gods.

12. Closing time means Closing time.

If you ever work at a bar, there is one phrase that I 100% guarantee you will hear on a regular basis. "Oh come on, just one more!" What people don't realise is that by the time you have the asked the bartender this, they have already heard it half a dozen times. When the bar is closed, it is closed. Believe it or not, bartenders do require rest too. Not much, sure... but still!
Avoid the denial and cheap pleas, just accept that when a barman tells you the bar is closed, that it is in fact, closed.


So there you go folks. A few handy tips to stay out of the bartenders dog box. And remember, even in a country such as good ol New Zealand where tips aren't necessary, they are ALWAYS appreciated.

Cheers to drinking!
Alex

ManFlu: Deadlier than Women Suspect.

  Hi all, it's been a while. I've been busy doing things and stuff. But enough about stuff and things, and onto what really matters!

  Around Winter, and often Summer, and quite often Autumn, and more often than none Spring, people get sick. I don't know the exact statistic, but I'd imagine it'd be about 99.9% of the whole population get sick once or twice in their lifetime (The .1% being made up of Keith Richards and Bruce Willis' character from Unbreakable).
  But there is another form of illness that grips many, yet it only effects one gender... Man.
  Yes, you know it, I'm talking about the ManFlu. I am not quite familiar with it's scientific name, but it'd probably be something like 'AhhhOhGodWhyMe!!?WHY-ME!??-itis' ...Which coincidentally seems to be a females reaction to having  deal with a man struck down with ManFlu.
  However, unbeknownst to many, ManFlu can be a disastrous and the full extent (to which women often criticise) can bring a man down to his very knees, crumbling everything to him.

  So why is this illness so lethal, and yet not taken seriously??
  I'll tell you Bob.
  The ManFlu directly attacks a man's manliness, forcing him to feel weak and frail. You see, the Male immune system vastly differs from the Females. A woman, when sick, can still retain her sensibility. She goes to the doctor, eats soup, takes vitamins, and wraps up warm because she knows she can beat it and soon she shall be right as rain.
  Where as a Males immune system is use to things like tetanus, rabies, and second degree burns, the common cold however immediately attacks the sensibility section of a man's brain, leaving him vulnerable to his surroundings. ManFlu emotionally cripples a man, leaving a mere husk of his former self.
To many women this can be seen as just acting out for attention, or being lazy, but it is just simply that they do not know what actually happens to a man while ManFlu sets in.

  This is why, for my female readers, I will give a run-down in detail about the stages of ManFlu using a fictitious character named Frank.

DAY 1:
  Frank is at the office putting in a few late hours when a fellow employee Jim hands him a cup of coffee. Smiling, Frank takes the cup and thanks Jim. Jim ask's how Franks holiday to Geneva was, and as Frank goes to answer, he feels a slight tingle in the back of his nose. He sneezes.
  Jims face is frozen in an acute state of shock as he slowly backs away. Frank wipes his nose on the back of his hand and tells Jim he's fine. But before he can finish he sneezes again.
  Jim, knowing perfectly well the seriousness of the situation, yelps loudly then flees in horror.
  Quickly Frank clears his papers and throws them in his briefcase before hurling himself into the elevator. He knows he hasn't much time. As he reaches his car, he begins to cough loudly. Hurtling down the motorway at 150mph, panic strikes him. The fear that he man not make it home in time.
  But he does.
  Dorothy, Franks wife, hears his car pull up the driveway. She goes to the front door to meet him, but is stopped in her steps as the door violently swings open reviling her gasping husband. She asks if he's alright, but Frank quickly makes for the couch. Kicking off his shoes and untying his tie, he falls into the soft cushions of the settee in front of him. He made it. At least for now.
  Dorothy, a sensible woman, senses something is wrong. She asks "Honey, are you all right, I sense something is wrong?"
  Frank doesn't reply. At least not in English. "I burb fyn" he mumbles.
  Dorothy tells him to wrap up warm and go to bed. Frank does so.

DAY 2:
  Dorothy awakes to find her husband curled in a ball on the couch eating porridge and watching informercials. "How are we feeling today dear" asks Dorothy.
  Frank, mildly flushed, throws his head back. "Like death! I don't think I'll make it."
  Dorothy rolls her eyes.
  As the Manflu virus slowly attacks Franks immune system, he is thrown through a roller-coaster ride of brief fevers, mild anxiety, fleeting paranoia, and ability to walk around aimlessly in a zombie like state. By the time Dorothy has returned from work later in the afternoon, she has found her husband lying next to the toastie maker, eating ham and cheese toasties while the Lion King blares on the TV in the background.
  Dorothy tells Frank to stop being a baby and just go rest in bed.
  Frank, is hurt by this. An emotion that Frank has suppressed for years suddenly breaks out, and he begins to weep. "It's not my fault!" he cries. "I have nothing! I am but a worm under the foot of god! WOE IS ME!!"
  As Dorothy ushers her frail husband up stairs and into bed, Frank tries to plead his case to her, but with no avail.

DAY 3:
  Frank is dead...
  Manflu has struck the poor man hard and wrought him emotionally to the point of total deathness.


  From these detailed events, Females should take note at the severity of ignoring Manflu. A man left on his own in this unfortunate condition could very well perish.

So please, please, support men during this terrible sickness.
Thank you.

Symptoms: Dizziness, coughing, snuffels, inability to concentrate on often simple tasks, itchy foot, the black lung, disorientation anywhere but the couch, the chills, bad dreams, inability to find a comfortable spot to sleep, hallucinations of heinous killer hot dogs, miss-judging short distances, lack of balance while lying down, forgetfulness, phantom pains, mild addiction to a particular TV series, interest in an obscure subject or language, inability to form whole sentanc.... And many more.

The Supernatural series, and why it needs to end.

So.... Awkward title, since I love the Supernatural series to pieces.

...But let me explain...

I just finished watching the season finale for season 9, and I have to say...Wow....But not in the way one would describe seeing Scarlett Johanson for the first time. No. I mean wow, as in seeing the MTV Miley Cyrus twerking for the first time, wow.
Safe to say, I was not impressed. Nor has it left me eager to see what lies ahead for the Winchesters.

Just to be clear here, the first five seasons of Supernatural are brilliant. The elaborately weaved story still impresses me today, and few shows have the type of character and episode mythology as it does. Lop the last 5 seconds off of the season 5 finale, and it would have been the perfect end to the series. And that's initially where Eric Kripke envisioned it ending.

But no...

Due to its huge following, the studio demanded more. And that's where things began to fall apart.
Season 6 onwards, overall, does not feel the same. In fact, I would go as far as to say that everything from 6 onward is just a spin off from the original series.
  When you come away from an event as colossal as the Apocalypse, it's hard to work the next seasons arc to the same level of impressiveness. And it's apparent from the get go. Season 6 is dull. very very dull. But just like nearly every season (excluding the last, of which I will mention in a few moments), it has episodes of stand out brilliance sprinkled throughout.
  Season 7 we got a whole new threat, the Leviathans which were....less than impressive, even though they were notoriously hard to kill. Nevertheless the season was a step up from 6, and instead chose a very tongue in cheek style, which worked. Mostly. And it ended on a interesting note. Purgatory. Which should have been super shocking, but instead it felt like a re-hashed, and far less impressive version of the season 3 finale.
  So entered season 8, which had some interesting themes, and some good episodes, but overall didn't feel like it was going anywhere in particular. Then something happened. In the last two episodes there was an event that threatened at some very very good possible story arcs.
  Season 9 came, and I was excited and curious to see where it went. And the first episode did not disappoint. But the second episode did... and the next... and the next, and so on. And do you know why?
BECAUSE THEY DIDN'T STICK TO THE FREAKING STORY ARC!!! They just leaped here and there with episodes that didn't move the story along at all, and when they did, it was dull. Dull and re-used.
  Then the Mark of Cain happened. FINALLY! An event that could inspire some interesting stories!! And what a good episode! ...Wait... what's that? The writers for some unknown reason decided to just shove aside one of the most important and original story events the show has seen in ages, in favour of more filler and pointless episodes? What! Why?? Did the other two story arc's need attention??... Nope, they are still going off on their own ridiculous tangents.....
...Hang on. What's going on here?

.....That is the very question I asked myself essentially throughout this entire season.
...What. The. Hell. Is. Going. On...
  The story lines are all over the place, and when one finally ties up, you don't care because you are still scratching your head from the last episode which had nothing to do with anything!!
It's because of this sloppy story telling that the season 9 finale was a total yawn fest. Nothing seemed shocking, because the build up to it was so disjointed. And not to mention Metatrons plan makes no sense. Nor does Crowleys. Nor does Cass's. Everything felt like one big slop of re-hashed events, and clumsy set ups. Overall nothing in the whole season stood out at all. And the only episodes that did, stood out because they were appalling!

It pains me to see a series, which was so superbly and meticulously put together during its first 5 seasons, just slowly crumble and turn into a mess of predictable, dull events. Even Sam and Dean have become worn and wary characters who are about as predictable as an arsonist with a match and a paper house.
They have the same argument they have been having since season 4. Except, for once, it was Dean that got on my nerves.
What made the first seasons so entertaining was the way, that in spite of all the horror surrounding them, they could still have a laugh. (The Ghost Sickness, and lucky rabbit foot episodes standing out as some of the Series comic highlights). The soundtracks were brilliant and suited them. The characters were proper characters. The monsters were scary and the demons were a challenge to kill. It was simple in many ways, and it's the simple things that the later seasons have forgotten about.


So I shall say it now, I hope to God (where ever he is (wink to supernatural fans, not actually talking religiously)), that they end the show at season 10. 10 is a good number.


Rant over.

My Personal Top 10 Favourite Albums!

...Not that anyone probably cares, but I often get asked what some of my favourite albums are, and there are about four that always come to mind immediately, however I often have to really stop to think about it. 

Now as all good lists do, these have and probably will again, change at some point or another (although I will admit No.1 has been number one since I basically first listened to it). 

So sitting here with my cup of coffee, and my computer blasting music, I have thrown together this list, of which tremendous thought and caffeine has gone into. 

Now just to be clear, this is just a list of my personal favourites. There may be (and certainly are) better albums out there than some of these listed, however these are the ones that have really stuck with me.

I thought I'd also share a bit about why the album is where it is on the scale, and why I love it as much as I do.

Ok... Lets do this...

10. With Teeth ~ Nine inch Nails

First off, I am a huge Nine inch Nails fan, easily one of my favourite bands. So you may be wondering, why this album? Why not The Downward Spiral, or The Fragile? One of the more epic albums! ... Well for some reason I have always had a special place for this album. Mainly because it was the first NIN album I had ever heard, and I'll never forget thinking "what the hell sound is this!?" It is groovy, and aggressive and has a 'I don't give a fuck' attitude which was great at the time (First heard in my mid high school years, go figure). But songs like Every Day Is Exactly the Same, Beside You In Time and Right Where It Belongs all had these lyrics that just flat out impressed me. Trent Reznor's style of singing/talking/whispering/chanting just wow'd me. With Teeth opened up many new doors and paved the way into a totally new genre of music for me. I owe this album a lot, and it is still constantly thrown on repeat.

9. Vol.1 ~ Hurt

So one night I had stayed up late trying to get my art portfolio completed. Rushing along nicely, I had channel 4 playing music in the background, when suddenly one song made me drop everything and  glue my attention to the screen. The video of that song is above (Although the album version of the song is far better). The sound just grabbed me, and I had to have the album. Unfortunately I couldn't find it anywhere, and nobody knew what the hell I was talking about which didn't help. Anyway by a stroke of luck, a couple weeks later I went to Canada and wouldn't you know, the first cd store I walk in has it sitting there.
I love so much about this album. The vocals and music harmonize and compliment each other so well, going from soft chilling sounds to inexplicably heavy riffs in the flick of a switch. The perfectly timed bursts of aggression really brings out the intended emotion of the songs (the overall theme of the album being heartbreak). But it was the stunning array and use of various instruments that really made me fall in love with this album. Vol.1 is not your typical rock or metal album by any means. It is complex and twisting at times, lyrically beautiful, and heavy when it need be. 

8.  The Ballad Of John Henry ~ Joe Bonamassa

It was by an complete fluke that I stumbled upon, what I can only describe as, one of the most talented musicians of this era. While trying to find some other blues song on Youtube, I happened to click on The Ballad Of John Henry... and it just blew my mind how cool it was, and not only that, how fantastic the guitar playing was. So I listened to the rest of the album, and before it had even finished I was ordering it online. In a time when dubstep was annoyingly everywhere, THIS! This gem of an album fell into my lap. Soulful and, at times, haunting vocals back some of the best modern blues guitar playing I had ever heard. Joe Bonamassa is a guitarist who can certainly make his guitar sing, and that's why (this album of his especially) spent a lot of time being played on repeat during summer. 

7. Toxicity ~ System Of A Down

Ok, the first time I heard this album I have to admit, I had no idea what I was in for. I had heard Chop Suey! on the radio once or twice and thought it was quite a cool song, so when I found Toxicity sitting there at the library, I thought I'd give it a shot. Up until then Rage Against the Machine and some Metallica was really the heaviest things I had heard, and I had only just got into those. Nothing could have prepared me for the 12.57min onslaught of the first five songs. By the time the album had drawn to a close, that was it. I wanted more. I was officially a metal addict.
This album reigned number one of my favourite albums for a very long time indeed, and although I dont listen to it anywhere near as much as I use to, every time I throw it on I still get the same intense feeling from the first time. An adrenaline pumping album if ever there was one!

6. Masters Of Reality ~ Black Sabbath

I've always loved Black Sabbath. It was one of the bands I grew up with in the background, but never paid real attention to until later on in my life. I just happened to be in a Sabbath mood one day and went looking for anything Black Sabbath. Masters of Reality was the first thing I found. It was great, and the more I listened to it the more I loved it! When I went to Scotland it was constantly being blasted through my ear phones. There was something fantastic and right about wandering around all these old stunning castles while listening to Children of the Grave. It was kind of eerie, and made the album even more epic! 

This is even my favourite Sabbath album, with easily some of their best riffs. Not to mention the impressive and emotionally riling Solitude.  It is an album that I always find something new to love about it, and thats why it is where it is on the list.

5. Welcome To Sky Valley ~ Kyuss

I got into Kyuss  a little while after falling in love with Queens of the Stone Age (And at the time I had no idea Josh Homme was their lead guitarist), all I knew was this sludgy stoner rock sound was great, and I lapped up what I could of it. Welcome To Sky Valley was actually the last Kyuss album I got into, but after immediately falling in love with the track Space Cadet its safe to say the album spent a lot of its time being played very loudly and air guitared to. It is just straight up an insanely cool album. The jams and long bluesy grooves in the middle of most songs really inspired me to pick my bass gat back up again and jam. The dirty sound and rough roaring vocal, sparked my love for stoner rock and sludge metal. Some of Josh Hommes best guitar work for sure.

4. Frogstomp ~ Silverchair

Say what you will about Silverchair now, but this, their first album, kicked serious arse. I remember first hearing this and thinking "What the fuck! 15 year olds made this!?" It was pure, grimy, hard-rock fury, and I couldn't get enough of it. Strangely though, it took me a long time to even realise it was one of my favourite albums. I played it all the time, and it was certainly the best album to air guitar too (and still is). Over the last couple years I think I've grown to appreciate how much of a fantastic album it actually is, and how much it has influenced my music taste over the years. Not too mention it always reminds me of playing Call of Duty at the old flat, since it was always in the cd player when we turned it on, so it just always got played.
It is certainly an album I feel that just gets better with age. 

3. Superunknown ~ Soundgarden

This is an album that my best friend loved long before I did. He always lent it to me and raved about it and apart from Black Hole Sun, I never really go into it... until one day it just clicked. I guess I was in a certain mood and everything about it was suddenly amazing and I totally understood what he had been raving about. It is a very interesting album indeed, with every song coming off with a totally different sound and vibe from the other tracks. And at 16 tracks, there is a lot of diversity.
A perfect showcase of Chris Cornell's voice in its prime, and Kim Thayil's wonderfully abstract guitar playing. This album is just so damn unique, which is one reason why I love it so much. I am sure I have been obsessed with every track at one point or another, many tracks such as Head Down, Fell On Black Days and Half, being played over and over while doing a painting.

2. Blood Mountain ~ Mastodon

The moment I first heard the opening track, The Wolf Is Loose, my jaw dropped and my mind exploded as I knew I was in for a serious ride. And disappoint me it did not. I know everyone raves about Crack The Skye being this epic amazing piece of art (And they are in no way wrong), but to me, Blood Mountain is Mastodon's perfect album. It is the perfect middle ground between their full on sludge metal brothel of Leviathan, and the psychedelic driven Crack the Skye. It is heavy, and aggressive, but then you get these beautifully arrange pieces of music that just paint pictures of the most epic exploits. The drumming in particular on this album, is some of the best I have ever heard. From anyone. Period. (Big call I know, but I don't care. They are amazing to the point of blatant blasphemy against all other great drummers)
The thing that I think made me love this album even more, was that my copy came with the 'making of ' DVD. It is not only hilarious, but a great look at how incredibly talented and how incredibly humble and genuinely good guys they are.

1. Lateralus ~ Tool

So this is it... My favourite album, and as I said at the start, it basically has been since my ears first got a taste of it. I had heard a bit of Tool before, but wanted to get an album to really give them a good listen. So into the local Warehouse I went and began flicking through the albums... it was a toss up between Ænima and Lateralus. Seeing my dilemma, a store clerk wandered over and quietly said "Buy Lateralus. Best album ever. Track 10 will blow your mind".... So I did... and it was.... and it did!
Musically, lyrically and vocally, it was like nothing I had ever experienced. The sheer depth and complexity to every song, and the epic scale of the album overall just warped my mind. Justin Chancellor's bass work in particular was a big inspiration to the way I tried to play mine. Maynards voice is mesmerizingly powerful, Danny Carey's drumming is absolutely outstanding, and Adam Jones guitar work is haunting and wondrous. I always struggle to fault this album at all, for there is really nothing I don't like about it. 

It still invokes the same emotions from me as it did all those years ago. A , sometimes, overwhelming sense of nostalgia is present with every listen, and afterwards I remember why I love it as much as I do.

So there you have it. My personal Favourite albums and why.

I have to give honourable mentions to the following albums, as they all were very close in the running.

• Rage Against The Machine ~ Rage Against The Machine
• Blast Tyrant ~ Clutch
• Thirteenth Step ~ A Perfect Circle
• Rated R ~ Queens of the Stone Age
• Antenna ~ Cave In
• Baby 81 ~ Black Rebel Motorcycle Club
• Urban Hymns ~ The Verve
• The Height Of Callousness ~ Spineshank
• Tenacious D ~ Tenacious D
• No More Tears ~ Ozzy Osborne
• Legend ~ Witchcraft

Plus many many more albums that I love so very much.

With that, I leave you

Alex.